Sve boje Kursilja – Mateja Lukić

Moje ime je Mateja Lukić, imam 26 godina i dolazim iz Zagreba. U obitelji nas je četvero djece gdje sam ja druga po redu. Završila sam PMF- smjer Matematika. Volim se baviti s raznolikim stvarima i iz tog razloga volim mijenjati hobije, a najdraže mi je ono što je novo i zanimljivo. Trenutno učim heklati i šivati, dok mi je velika želja naučiti digitalno crtanje.

Animatorica sam sada već 9 godina u Kursilju. Na samom početku mi je bilo pomalo čudno i mislila sam da je to samo organizacija koja organizira Krapanj. Kada sam imala priliku otići tamo, zahvaljujući svojoj prijateljici koja je za to mjesto imala samo riječi hvale, pridobila me prihvaćenost o kojoj je pričala jer mi je u tom trenu bila jako potrebna i važna. Radi nekoliko razočaravajućih iskustava nisam imala visoka očekivanja već sam samoj sebi rekla da prihvatim sve kako će biti – a bilo je predivno. Međutim, bila sam uvjerena da ono što je bilo posebno su svećenici i ljudi koji su tamo bili te teme koje su oni imali. Nisam to shvatila kao nešto veliko i kontinuirano, već kao tren koji se tada dogodio. Kako sam sve više prolazila kroz svoju vjeru, sve više sam krenula istraživati te ulaziti u samu dubinu kroz koju sam shvatila da nije bila poanta samo u tim ljudima i svećenicima, nego u Božjem duhu koji ih veže. Od samog početka, čim sam ušla u Kursiljo, bez obzira na to što sam od svih njih bila mlađa, osjetio se taj duh koji je stvarao zajedništvo. To je bio razlog zašto sam i ja htjela biti dio toga. Još jedan veliki razlog, osim pripadnosti, je želja za biti korisnom. Jako mi je bitno da se negdje mogu dati, a Kursiljo mi je bio prvo mjesto gdje sam konkretno mogla vidjeti kako, gdje i kada to mogu.

Kada razmišljam kako je Bog djelovao u mom životu kroz Kursiljo, dolazi mi riječ isprepleteno. S obzirom da sam se priključila u periodu kada sam tek krenula u vjeru, teško mi je odvojiti što je Bog sve napravio kroz Kursiljo. Mogla bih nabrojati sto stvari gdje je Bog kroz Kursiljo djelovao u mom životu, no za prvi primjer bi navela svoju molitvenu zajednicu. Upoznali smo se prije 4 godine na Krapnju i sada smo već 3 godine u zajednici. To je nešto gdje svaki tjedan Bog djeluje s njima na mene u razgovoru, molitvi i potpori. Također, Bog je bio moj psihoterapeut. Bila sam djevojka koju je bilo strah, od toga da ljudi misle da sam loša, od toga da kažem nešto krivo i ispadnem budala, do toga da budem među ljudima. Kroz Kursiljo sam nekako bila primorana rješavati te strahove zajedno s Bogom jer kad dođeš na krizmanički tečaj, ti moraš biti s krizmanicima, razgovaraš s njima i moraš se naučiti da ćeš možda koji put i napraviti greške i da je to u redu. Ono što želim reći je da sam izgubila mogućnost da se pravim onim što nisam, a jedan od primjera za to je kad me netko pita kako sam. Neću više reći da sam dobro ako nisam dobro. Moram priznati da su mi krizmanički tečajevi općenito posebni, baš vidim veliki smisao u tome i mislim da ću i sa 60 godina htjeti ići na te tečajeve. Osim tečajeva, poseban je bio odlazak u Asiz na europski susret tajništva Kursilja gdje sam vidjela da je to svjetski pokret i da možemo jedni od drugih puno naučiti. Tada sam shvatila da Kursiljo nije samo Krapanj ili formacija, već veliki pokret vođen Duhom Svetim. Još jedan od plodova je moja ljubav prema sebi i prema drugima. Meni je u Kursilju dana velika ljubav, ali mi je darovano i da radim i da trpim. Imala sam odnos u svom životu u kojem sam isključivo davala ljubav, nisam očekivala ništa zauzvrat i zato mogu reći da sam dobila plod ljubavi kao žrtve.

Kod Kursilja mi je još posebno to što te ljude koji djeluju u zajednici mogu zvati svojom drugom obitelji i imati osjećaj pripadnosti dok sam s njima. Kad sam jedne godine na Krapanj došla s namjerom da si dokažem da ne trebam biti u Kursilju, dobila sam suprotni dokaz i osjetila da mi je ovdje mjesto. Nedavno sam se udavala i htjela se odmaknuti od obaveza u Kursilju, no brzo sam shvatila koliko moje srce čezne da budem tu i koliko zapravo tu trebam biti. Kada bih Kursiljo opisala jednom riječju, to bi bio mir. Od prvog Krapnja mi je ostala ta riječ jer je sve utjecalo na mir u meni. Nije strah nestao, ali mir se pojavljivao, mir koji je ublažavao sve moje strahove i manjak poštovanja. Donio mi je mir čak i kada sam imala probleme u vjeri, u razdoblju suhoće. Ukratko, sav život i snaga te zrelost u vjeri koju imam dolazi kroz moj i Božji rad u Kursilju.


My name is Mateja Lukić, I am 26 years old, and I come from Zagreb. In my family there are six of us and I am second of four kids. I graduated from the Faculty of Science – Mathematics. I like to do a variety of things and for that reason I like changing hobbies, with me it is always about something new and interesting. I am currently learning to crochet and sew, while I also have a great desire to learn digital drawing.

I have been an animator in Cursillo for 9 years now. At the very beginning, it was a bit strange for me and I thought it was just an organization arranging Krapanj. When I had the opportunity to go there, thanks to my friend who had only words of praise for the place, I was won over by the acceptance of other people she was talking about because it was needed and important to me at the time. Due to a few disappointing experiences, I did not have high expectations, but I told myself to accept everything as it happens – and it was wonderful. I was convinced that what was special were the priests and the people who were there, and the topics they talked about. I did not understand it as something big and continuous, but as a moment that happened at that time. As I deepened my faith, I started to explore more about it, and I went to the very depths through which I realized that it was the Spirit of God that binds those people and priests. From the very beginning, as soon as I entered Cursillo, although I was younger than everyone there, I felt that Spirit who gathered community. That was why I wanted to be a part of it. Apart from belonging, I had a desire to be useful. It is still very important to me that I could offer myself and my talents, and Cursillo was the first place where I could see how, where and when I could do it.

When I think about how God has worked in my life through Cursillo, the word “intertwined” comes to my mind. Since I joined the movement at the time when I’ve just discovered my faith, it is hard for me to separate what God has done in my life without Cursillo. I could list a hundred things where God has worked in my life through Cursillo, but my prayer group is a big part of it. We met 4 years ago at Krapanj and we’ve been gathering as a prayer group for 3 years now. It is a time where every week God works with them on me through conversations, prayers, and their support. Also, God was my psychotherapist. I was a girl who was afraid of other people’s opinions, of saying something wrong and turning out to be a fool, of being among people. Through Cursillo, I was forced to deal with those fears but with God – when you come to Cursillo for confirmation candidates, you have to spend time with them, talk to them and you have to learn that you might make mistakes a few times and that it is okay. I no longer pretend to be what I am not, for example, when someone asks me how I feel, I will not say that I am okay if I’m not okay. I must admit that Cursillo for confirmation candidates is generally special to me, I see a lot of meaning in it and I think that I will still want to serve there even at the age of 60. Apart from the courses, it was special to go to Assisi for the European meeting of the Cursillo Secretariat, where I realized that Cursillo was a worldwide movement in which we could learn a lot from each other. It was then that I realized that Cursillo was not just Krapanj or our formation, but a big movement led by the Holy Spirit. Another result of Cursillo in my life is the love I gained for myself and others. Love was given to me, but I also had to work and suffer. I had a relationship in my life in which I exclusively gave love, without expecting anything in return, so I can say that I received the ability to love through sacrifice.

Another thing I like about Cursillo is that I feel these people are like my other family and when I am with them, I have a sense of belonging. One year I came to Krapanj to prove to myself that I shouldn’t be in Cursillo anymore, and that was the moment I was overwhelmed by the feeling of belonging. I recently got married and wanted to get away from my obligations in Cursillo, but I quickly realized how much my heart longs to be here and how much I really need to be a part of this. If I must describe Cursillo in one word, it would be “peace”. Ever since my first time at Krapanj, that word has been imprinted in me because everything there exudes peace. The fear that I had did not disappear, but peace appeared, a peace that alleviated all my fears and a lack of respect I had for myself. It brought me peace even when I had problems in my faith journey, in a period of spiritual drought. All the life and strength and maturity in the faith I have came through the work I had to go through with God in Cursillo.

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