Zovem se Petra Hudoletnjak i dolazim iz Ivanca. Trideset tri su mi godine. Završila sam sociologiju na Filozofskom fakultetu i zaposlena sam u jednoj udruzi. Što se tiče hobija, svaki mi period nosi neku novu zanimaciju pa sam se tako u zadnje vrijeme „ufurala“ u nabavu i njegu kućnih biljaka.
Za Kursiljo sam saznala 2015. godine. Nakon obraćenja sam, kad sam se već uhodala u taj novi život, jako čeznula pripadati nekoj zajednici, biti dio nekog pokreta unutar Crkve. U tom periodu rekoh: „Isuse, sada poput drveća u jesen skidam svoj (čak) najdraži kaput i, premda znam da trebam prezimiti zimu, zapravo jedva čekam proljeće da obučem novo ruho“. Tada su u moj život ušle dvije meni značajne osobe koje su me upoznale s Kursiljom. Jedan svećenik, poseban zaljubljenik u Kursiljo, koji mi je govorio kako sam nečeg takvog potrebna, ali ja ga nisam željela slušati. Međutim, bio je uporan. Jednom mi je prilikom dao pročitati dojmove srednjoškolaca s Krapnja. Čitajući ih, pitala sam se otkud njima toliko mudrosti u tim mladim godinama. U to se vrijeme započelo obnavljati i jedno moje staro prijateljstvo. Kada smo se prijateljica i ja nakon dugo godina ponovno sastale, ponajviše smo razgovarale o vjeri; ona je s posebnom gorljivošću pričala o ključu njezinog novog života: o Kursilju i o Krapnju. Njezino me svjedočanstvo osvojilo i odlučih i sama otići na Krapanj. Nisam znala što očekivati, ali sam nosila sa sobom dvije molitvene nakane. Jedna je bila da steknem istinsku prijateljicu jer takve baš nisam imala do tad. Druga je povezana s mojim sjećanjima mene dok sam bila mala. Rekla sam: „Bože, ponovno bih željela biti ona radosna, zvrckasta, bezbrižna Petra jer mislim da je to prava Petra“. Na Krapnju sam to i dobila, ali uz to i mnogo više.
Nakon Krapnja, na mjesečnom me susretu u našoj župi jedna animatorica-suradnica Kursilja pozvala da i ja postanem animator u Kursilju. Isprva sam mislila kako ja to ne mogu. No, prvom prilikom otišla sam na Kursiljo tečaj za mlade da još jednom to sve proživim i vidim želi li me Bog za animatoricu ili ne. Ondje sam, za vrijeme šutnje i meditacije, začula riječi: „Petra, ovo je tvoje proljeće!“ Shvatih da, kako je proljeće neizbježan dio prirode, tako je to za mene Kursiljo. Nakon tog Tečaja sve se počelo vrlo brzo odvijati: prvi tečaj, odmah Krapanj, pa tečaj za tečajem: za odrasle, za mlade, a ja u raznim ulogama. Toliko sam toga kroz njih naučila i ostvarila! Između ostaloga ostvarilo mi se i to da sam imala priliku biti na mjestima o kojima sam samo sanjala, a povrh toga sam i ta mjesta u Hrvatskoj i izvan Hrvatske iskusila kroz živote ljudi koji ondje žive.
U Kursilju trenutno sam voditelj Tima za čitanje teme te sam u Varaždinskoj biskupiji dio dragih ljudi koji brinu za tamošnji Kursiljo. Prije sam smatrala da sam nesposobna za uloge i dužnosti koje danas obnašam. Nisam vjerovala da imam organizacijske sposobnosti i mislila sam da nemam karakteristike koje bi trebao imati jedan rektor/voditelj. Nisam se mogla zamisliti kako vodim i potičem na nešto, da se ljudi oslanjaju na mene i sl. Ipak, te su mi uloge u Kursilju olakšane time što smo mi suradnici tu jedni za druge, poput obitelji te smo stvorili međusobno velik broj čvrstih prijateljstava. Moja najdraža uloga je voditi rad u grupi. To je mjesto gdje sam istinski doživjela one Pavlove riječi: „Kad sam slab onda sam jak!“ Ili: „Živim, ali ne više ja, nego Krist živi u meni!“ Toliko sam puta na radu u grupi bila iscrpljena, ali me svaki put osnažila prožetost naših srca, umova i duša. To je mjesto gdje iskusim Boga svaki put. U tome mi posebno doprinose krizmanički tečajevi gdje mi se čini da koliko god se trudim više davati, toliko više dobijem i moja svakodnevica sa svojim problemima dobiva novi, bolji smisao jer sam ja postala drugačija. Također, jedan od meni najdragocjenijih plodova Kursilja su svećenici koje sam upoznala. Neki od njih su mi postali otac, prijatelj, učitelj, duhovnik, pratitelj… Kada mi je bilo teško, kad sam pala na koljena, oni su mi uzeli ruku i podigli me. Kao sociologinja dobila sam nadu uvjerivši se koliku Bog ima moć kroz djelovanje jednog kristolikog svećenika i koliko to znači za zdravlje jedne zajednice, mjesta, društva.
Želim reći da je Kursiljo više od svega ovoga što jesam i nisam nabrojala. Meni je Kursiljo susret sa živim Bogom, susret s Kristom! Predočila bih vam to sa slikom iz Evanđelja u kojoj je Isus ozdravio slijepca od rođenja. Kad su slijepca pitali: „Tko ti je to učinio?“, on je rekao da ne zna. Ja sam poluizlječeni slijepac. Kažem: „poluizlječeni“, jer vjerujem da Bog i dalje radi na svima nama. Zahvaljujući Kursilju mogu reći da znam tko me izliječio i znam gdje je. Mogu reći: „Hej, dođi, pokazat ću ti: možeš ga opipati, čuti, pričati s Njim! Nije tek neki izmišljeni lik iz neke knjige.“ Koja je to milost. To je najveći plod. Kako bi do toga došlo, najprije je važno biti otvoren tome, dopustiti si prijeći vlastite granice i proviriti glavom preko svojih zidova, a nastavak pustolovine je u Božjim rukama.
My name is Petra Hudoletnjak and I come from Ivanec. I’m 33 years old and I got my degree in sociology at Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences, at the moment I am employed in one organization. What I do in my free time changes depending on the phase of my life so right now I am really into getting and caring about plants.
The first time I have learned about Cursillo was in 2015. It is interesting that after my conversion I really wanted to become a part of some community, to be a part of a movement in the Church. That was when I said ‘’Jesus, like trees do in fall, I am now taking my favorite coat off and I know that I have to survive the winter but I can’t wait for spring to get my new attire.’’ After this, two people who introduced me to Cursillo came into my life. One of them was a priest who especially loved Cursillo and who was persistent in telling me that I am in need of something like that in my life but I didn’t want to listen to him. At one occasion he gave me impressions that high-school students wrote about their week at Krapanj. While I was reading, I wondered where did their wise words come from. At the same time, I became closer with one of my old friends. When my friend and I after a long time got together, we first started talking about our faith and religion and I could see that she talked very passionately about one part of her life – about Cursillo and Krapanj. Her testimony won me over and I decided to go there alone. I didn’t know what to expect but I had two things I prayed for. One of them was to find a real friend that I never had before and the other one was connected to my childhood. I talked to God and said ‘’God, I would really love being that old happy, cheerful and carefree Petra, I think that is the real Petra.’’ I got both of these things and so much more.
After this, at a monthly meeting in our parish one animator asked me to also become one of the animators. At first I didn’t think I was capable of that, but I used the first opportunity to attend a Cursillo for youth to see if God wants me to be an animator. While we were in silence and meditation I heard the words ‘’This is your spring!’’. At that moment I realized that just like spring is a crucial part of nature, Cursillo is a crucial part of me. After that realization, everything moved very quickly. I went to my first Cursillo, then Krapanj, then Cursillo for youth and adults – I was in all those different roles. This made me learn and achieve so much. I was able to visit so many places inside and out of Croatia, that I could only dream about before Cursillo. Right now I am a head of the team for reading the testimonies as well as one of the people who take care of Cursillo in Varaždin. I used to think how I was incapable of the things I do today, I didn’t believe I had any organizational skills and characteristics to be a leader or rector. I couldn’t imagine myself leading, encouraging, I couldn’t imagine people relying on me. In Cursillo, these things are easier for me because we are all here for each other like a family would be and there are also so many strong friendships. Out of all things I do here, my favorite thing is leading the group work. While doing that, I understand the words of St. Paul ‘’For when I am weak, then I am strong.’’ Or ‘’I no Longer Live, but Christ Lives in me.” I was exhausted so many times but every time fullness of our hearts, minds and souls made me stronger. That is where I meet God every time. Cursillo for confirmands especially helps me because every time I try to give more and it ends up with me receiving even more than that. With that my everyday life with its problems gets new and bigger meaning. Besides this, what I cherish the most about Cursillo are all of the priests who I have met. They are like my fathers, friends, teachers, friends and so much more. When it was hard for me and when I was on my knees they took my hand and picked me up. I got so much hope when I saw the power of a priest who tries to be like Christ and how much this means for a society, a place and community
I want to say that Cursillo is more than everything I have and haven’t said. For me, Cursillo is an encounter with God and Christ who are alive! I would like to envision this by telling a part of the gospel. When Jesus cured the blind man, and he was asked about who cured him – he said that he doesn’t know. I am a half-cured blind person, and when I say half-cured I am saying that I believe God is still working on all of us, but when I am asked about who cured me I can say who did it and where He is. That is because of Cursillo. I can say ‘’Come with me and I will show you; you can touch Him, hear Him and talk to Him just like you can with everyone else. He is not some made up book character.’’ That is the biggest grace and fruit of Cursillo. That is why it is important to be open, to let yourself cross your own borders and get your head out of your own walls.
